Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
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