i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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