Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize
