I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
