wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
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