You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Randomize
