I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
Another day, another engagement, another cat
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Randomize
