I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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