i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize