He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
