i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
I am naked and annoyed.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
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