I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
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