Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
