why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
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