Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Randomize
