if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
