there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Randomize
