don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Randomize