shes about as inviting as chlamydia
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
Randomize
