I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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