you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Randomize
