Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
Randomize
