Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
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