Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Randomize
