If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
I did not marry a roomba.
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