i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Randomize
