I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
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