its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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