My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Randomize
