I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
Randomize