i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
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