I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
