Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
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