I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
Hippo gnu deer
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
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