She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Randomize
