is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize