Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
Randomize
