4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Randomize
