The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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