don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
Randomize