I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
