I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
