So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
