Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Randomize
