I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
