the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
Just pee around me
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
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