is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Randomize
