it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
