We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize
