i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Randomize
