i can't believe i had my finger in that
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Randomize
