Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
