I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
you inspire me to be a worse person
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize