I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
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