I'm laying in your front yard are you home
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
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