i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
