why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize
