Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
