What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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