Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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