And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize