I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
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