i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
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