I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
