well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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